you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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