please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
