Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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