wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
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