Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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