Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
