I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
