i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
