Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
