You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
