why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
