i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
