his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
