I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
