ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
