at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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