i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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