Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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