I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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