do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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