My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
