she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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