Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
