Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
