I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
