that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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