Your dad touched me again.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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