My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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