apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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