Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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