do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
