Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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