Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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