a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
