Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
