Your face is a jimmy john
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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