Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Actions speak louder than pants.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
