no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
