Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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