We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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