do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
