Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
