glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
