my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
