The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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