Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
