Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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