the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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