i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
