matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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