Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
