No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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