dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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