so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
