Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
