i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
