My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Who died my cat blue again?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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