So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
